An open letter to my last child on his first day at school.

Dearest Baby Boy,

My youngest. My last.

I've been through this already twice before, I should be a pro at it now. But for some reason I'm getting worse with each child.

I was nervous the first time around because it was all new. We both didn't know what to expect. We both didn't know the school or the teachers. I was nervous for your big sister because she was nervous.

But you're not nervous at all are you? You're ready for this and you can't wait to go. You've sat and watched your brother and sister be all grown up going to big school and that's all you've wanted to do too. You want to be grown up just like them.

And now you are.

And I am so happy that we are now at this point of excitement.

But I am still nervous. Nervous for you. But this time not because you are nervous. This time it's not because I don't know what to expect. It's because I do.

I know that I have lost you to school now. I have lost my baby.

I know that you need me less and less as the days go on.

I know that I am no longer the center of everything you do.

I know that school is fun and exciting and that you will make me proud in so many different ways over the next few years with your growth and learning. But I also know that school changes a child.

It makes them grow up.

And I selfishly don't want that.

I want you to be my baby forever.

I know that I will no longer know everything about your day. How you've been feeling, what you've learnt, who you played with.

Because I am no longer there by your side through this scary journey we call life.

And I know I annoy you asking a thousand questions about your day when all you want to do is forget about school for the day and veg in front of the TV because you are just so so tired from it all.

I will learn to let go soon, I promise.

It just may take a little longer to let go of you that the other two.

Because you are the last one.

This is the last time I ever get emotional about the first day in Reception class over.

And it's kind of harder than all of those emotional firsts I went through with your big sister.

But I will let go. I know you need me to. I know you are a big boy now and you are so happy to be grown up.

You have made me so proud with how much you have taken this all in your stride. How far you've come from those first few weeks in Nursery where you cried and screamed as you were torn away from me.

Your confidence amazes me.

And I never want to dampen that confidence with my own emotion and need to be needed.

Despite all that, you must always know that no matter what, I am here for you. I have your back. And whilst you may not need me right now, there will come a time when you might.

School can be a really overwhelming experience at times and I'm here for you.

I'll take a step back to watch you grow, but I am always here.

I'm here for you always, my not so little boy.

Love Mummy x

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